It finally hit me today that the people I have surrounded myself with for my whole life – whether in Red Bluff or Incline – are now much farther than a short drive away.
There were multiple times today where I thought about one of those people. I wonder what they’re doing? I miss them, but it’s okay. I’ll see them again soon.
But I won’t.
Now that I’ve been gone over a week, it no longer feels like I’m on an extended vacation. Reality has settled in. I live here now. I actually live here.
I don’t have a roommate, which is nice, but it means I’m spending a lot of time in my own company. Don’t get me wrong, I love my privacy, but to an extent.
Most nights I am left with no one but Joan Didion and the cast of Shameless to talk to me. I’m spending most of my time writing, lost with my thoughts, and I have been going to bed ridiculously early just to make the day go by. All of these things are good for me, but at times, the silence becomes too loud.
But this is what I wanted – I wanted to move far away, be on my own without the comfort of knowing I could drive home in a day.
Why doesn’t this feel like what I wanted?
The price you pay for distance and growth is familiarity.
In the absence of familiarity, we are forced to do things we are not used to, things we are not typically comfortable with.
Things like meeting people, deciding who is worth making friends with, then telling these people all of the stories your old friends already know. Things like having to google the local restaurants rather than just knowing them off the top of your head.
We are forced to become familiar again.
It is not an easy task, but I suppose it’s one that is worth the cost.
It’s cold here. Quiet.
Our town sits above the clouds, away from the noise. Up here we are secluded, hidden away in the mountains.
Sometimes I catch myself missing the warmth, but not the heat. Sometimes I even miss the chaos.
Not as much as I enjoy the contentment that comes with solitude.
Classes start tomorrow.
Soon the halls will fill, the calm evenings will be disrupted by students happy to see each other again.
Soon I will find myself waving at a fellow classmate. A new, familiar face.
The silence will fade, but not the peace that came with it.
Love always,
Kristin
love always, kristin 
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